I went to the flea market Sunday and bought hispter panties for myself and a lacy, barely-there thong for Eurydike. I am sure my mother was flabbergasted that I purchased this "obscene, only-for-whores" undergarment for my infamous maid of honor. Seriously, the problem with my mother is, she's oblivious to the fact that every human being is a sexual being and I, her 22 year old daughter hardly has any conservative leanings. When I started dating Paulie, she probably began contemplating in her popularly supposed "decent" head a lot of obscene, sexual things that she suspects I am doing with him. She is probably secretly loathing the fact that I am marrying an older man who is absolutely very experienced in bed. I recall how she would bash the Vladimir Nabokov book, "Lolita" saying it's obscene and indecent. And I told her, "But seriously, I think I have become Lolita." I swear she morphed into a rock when I said that.

...Then The Police began singing, "Don't Stand So Close To Me" in my head.