Aside from the bestial porn film my college friend so carelessly told me about while we were doing lunch, another reason why I have a nauseated look every time I pass by a rotisserie is my introduction to "Frankenchick", the featherless, genetically modified chicken (I wanted to decapitate Eurydike when she sent me the Frankenchick image via e-mail).

How could you possibly eat such an ugly creature? Hell, this is not a chicken. This is a deformed, mutated monster.

I just love my vegetables

I am smart...Or maybe I am just having an illusion of grandeur...maybe it's all in my mind~a false pretense to cover up all of my insecurities. I have made a lot of moronic decisions in my life, all of which I regret terribly.


I inspired my good friend Eddie Vedder to sing this Pearl Jam hit (our torrid love affair went kaput nine years ago. Even if my love for him remains at nuclear intensity, I had to end our relationship because of his incredible fame.)


(Well, I don't give a fig about my controversial break-up with Vedder any longer. I am now engaged to a sensitive, philosophical NC artist so who cares about (as Weird Al Yankovic puts it) Mr. Spokesman for the disaffected grunge generation. Eurydike can have him.)


DAUGHTER by PEARL JAM


Alone...listless...breakfast table in an otherwise empty room

Young girl...violins...center of her own attention

The, mother reads aloud, child, tries to understand it

Tries to make her proud


The shades go down, it's in her head

Painted room...can't deny there's something wrong...


Don't call me daughter, not fit to

The picture kept will remind me

Don't call me daughter, not fit to

The picture kept will remind me

Don't call me...


She holds the hand that holds her down

She will...rise above

My friend Eurydike, a clairvoyant and a self~confessed female chauvinist confided to me about her encounter with a couple of vicious jerks who unfortunately she had a brief affair with. This journal entry is not advisable for people with no sense of irony.




Vicious Jerk number one: Orkhomenos~ He may look suspiciously like Johnny Depp but any woman would scream "PASS THE BARF BAG!!" once they get a dose of his narcissistic attitude. A high school drop-out, his pre-occupations include getting intoxicated on weekends and playing in a pathetic rap metal band. Orkhomenos is now married to an unattractive woman and is trapped in hamburger joint-convenient store type of jobs.


Vicious Jerk number two: Narkissos~He is one of those bad things that happen to good people. According to Eurydike, Narkissos is terribly good looking, fairly intelligent and very hilarious (he is especially hilarious every time he congratulates and glorifies himself). Eurydike confided to me how she used to nervously wait for Jesus to materialize before Narkissos and her while they are doing lunch and witness Jesus jam a fork into Narkissos' aorta. But I told Eurydike that she need not hear Narkissos sing Bob Marley's "Waiting in Vain" in Latin or have him perform projectile vomiting for her to proclaim him the anti-Christ. He displayed evilness by tormenting her with his devious ways and that is enough (Eurydike succumbed to a nervous breakdown after her break-up with Narkissos. Funny, I thought she was born that way).



"Dear egotist boy you've never really had to suffer any consequence/You've never stayed with anyone longer than ten minutes/You'd never understand anyone showing resistance/Dear popular boy I know you're used to getting everything so easily/A stranger to the concept of reciprocity/People honor boys like you in this society"


~Narcissus
Alanis Morissette